Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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