Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
