I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
