Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
