id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
