And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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