i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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