Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
