Where is the hickey?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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