I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
