Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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