Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
