Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
