you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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