There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
