Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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