by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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