im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
