I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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