Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
