God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
