when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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