if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just pee around me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
