well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
