When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
