is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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