Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
