party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
