my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
