it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
