Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
