Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
