Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
