We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
