Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
