Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
