Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
