Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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