We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
