I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
