You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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