I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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