shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
