Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
