Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
