whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
