Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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