I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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