She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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