he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
people are starting to question the shark bite story
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
