id be glad to
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
did you just send me my own nude
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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