No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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