Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
