my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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