I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
